Other Titles

If you can't self-aggrandize, then no one else can do it for you -- that's what I always say.

Some past titles I've held:

• Coniferous Mammal Veterinarian
• Monopolar Wedgie Magnet
• Professional Gargoyle Wrangler
• Human Sneeze Guard
• Llama Faeces Smuggler
• Lord High Bagpipe Detractor
• Sarcasm Czar
• Haggis Extrapolator
• Pig Wing Sales Associate
• Lance Corporal, 3rd Antigravity Juggling Unit
• Executive Producer, "Wild Moose of the Kalahari"
• Tolerated Academic Misfit (This title is from Urs Gattiker, who wrote this about me in Information Security this Week – it seemed appropriate somehow.)
• Lartist in Residence
• Deputy Undersecretary of Hippopotomonstrosesquipidelian Word Floccinaucinihilipilification
• Cultural Liaison to S. Cerevisiae
• Biological Coffee Receptacle
• Asbestos Underwear Test Pilot
• Author, Yoga for Buffaloes
• Associate, Senate Subcommittee for Holistically-Oriented Learning and Education
• Director of Weasel Defibrillation
• Squirrel Technologist
• Chief Assistant Bagel Operator